Your guide to B-movies . . .

Looking to better know the world of underproduced, underfunded straight to video films? Check this glossary.

Some examples:

Lambert, Christopher: six feet of hard, throbbing French reason to not see a movie. I can handle Lambert as part of an ensemble cast, like when he got to be Rayden, but if his name is above the title, then I aint seeing that movie. (The exception here is Mean Guns, but that was because Ice-T was the villain.)

Screaming whafucks: no, its not a punk band, although it probably should be. The screaming whafucks is a disease contracted by anyone whos ever viewed a film, looked at the screen, looked at anyone else he watched it with, and yelled, Whafuck?! Cemetery Man is a good example, as are most European horror movies.

Thug Fu: every thug knows this generic movie martial art, where the only two moves are a heavily looped overhead right and a roundhouse kick. Thug fu is notable for being the only martial art thats been designed from the ground up to make its wielder an open target. The tenets of thug fu include not being able or willing to engage a single opponent in any other way but one on one, the deadly Empty Gun Toss, and the unshakable belief that fighting like a man is in some way morally purer than living through the movie. Note that no one in a pre-Rush Hour Jackie Chan movie has ever even heard of Thug Fu, as they will usually beat the crap out of Jackie by using their superior numbers against him. (Theres a reason why the archetypical Jackie Chan fight sequence involves Chan running away.)